Thursday, February 18, 2010

I want my old self back


I want to go back to my old self. The simple on going, happy go lucky and down to earth. I know I’d changed a lot; maybe it can be good news or not in so many reasons. I became so fool and ignorant, noisy and irritating. I can still be proud ‘coz I am true to myself, but of course my old self is watching at my back. Forming a conscience about what I am doing and begging not to turn my back to her.
I’ve realized so many things in my college life. I want to improve myself because I don’t really know who I am. I am a pickle minded and get easily irritated with a non sense and not so true people. I am an observant, I know many people love me and I am glad.
Sometimes I dream to be somebody because I am nobody. In that way of thinking, my old self keep proclaiming to be contented. I didn’t listen because I am simply stubborn child. I keep aiming so high wanting something I desire and obsessed to others life. I don’t really know what I am doing even don’t care if it is right or not. Later I realized that I am no longer myself what I have known before.
And now, I end up nothing and full of regrets. Realizing everything and go back to reality. I am here, hiding beneath the blanket letting all those tears to fall to ease the pain. Stopping these is so hard, foolishness is the right word.
I have too many words and idea in my mind about all I have done. I don’t know how to express it and I just want to say something a portion of it. Everytime I’m alone, all words in my mind is saying “I want to go back to my old self”.
My old self whom I love and my friends want me to be. My old self is only simple shy and homely. No more words no more talks.